Gabe's Post

He deserves his own post as he's learned to do so many things this last week. He's stacking, attacking, building and breaking.... Climbing, singing, rolling around - so much!! I survived four days without Brian last week - whew! But I felt he missed just so much so I took all these pictures as Gabe was doing things. He sits on his little doggie chair now, rides instead of pushes his popper around, and from what I can tell he prefers order and cleanliness (fixing all things out of place lately). And I finally got a picture that shows his two bottom teeth. Now to get some pics of the top four that are coming in all once. Poor little man. He likes to wear headbands, purses and pushes strollers around with the girls all day too. I am slowly building a boy toy collection, and dinosaurs are our newest addition. Things are great with Gabe!! I love him so much and appreciate the sweet spirit he brings into our home.

What's Up- Side Down?

I have no idea what kind of lizard this is, but his visits have become frequent- ever since our neighbors put up a pool-- coincidence? No idea, but I thought this picture was too cute and detailed to pass up posting. Someday* I won't live in the desert and I'll appreciate all the wildlife pics I have. I'm going to try and post more of them on here so that when I make a book- all sorts of things will be recorded.
Anyone know what this is? I recognize it from my road runner book, but more than that-?

Here are a few pictures of the Fair that we caught at a much needed time. Thanks to our neighbors we were able to attend without paying for the adults, and we got free parking (* in the good, close, convenient spots) We actually got Chloe to go on the rides, and being around Eva she loosened up about 1/2 way into the car ride. From there, it was the turning dragon ride... I couldn't believe how much they wanted to do. We all know how reserved and hesitant Chloe is (she won't even play the birthday party games at anyone's party except ours). The weather was misty and chilly and windy, the rides were expensive but I think the break it provided for our girls' minds was well worth it. I hope we fall into similar luck next year. The girls also got treated to cotton candy, and Gabe even had a pinch. He got pretty excited about it once he let us put it on his tongue. Date of pics: 9/13/09

A quality pet.

I don't think there is a child out there that hasn't had a pet of some sort growing up. In Chloe's curriculum they suggested getting a terrarium and some crickets to see how animals live, etc. I mentioned this to Brian as a 'whatever' kind of possibility, knowing the things would just die and - "What is the point in buying something you know is just going to die in a matter of weeks?" Brian fully supports this schooling at home, so he volunteered to get 'us' a fish. That night Chloe and daddy had a date. To the 'pet store'/"Walmart"... and came back with what seemed like everything a fish would need- food, pretty gravel, a 'cage'... And so we set it up that night and the tiger barb fish was named, 'Cow'. The next morning it received another name - 'Cow Stripes'.... so it was that they were happy with Cow Stripes. Gabe stared deviously at the aquarium...hm. Good thing it was out of his reach, eh? The girls traded off feeding the fish food and all seemed so good - a focus on living things instead of a recent loss. Until this morning as the girls got up for their morning breakfast and sat at the table. "Cow Stripes is sleeping!" Really? I checked it out and sure enough he was 'sleeping' on the bottom of the tank floor. I immediately headed to my room where I told Brian he was going to have to tell the girls the news. Eva argued with him for quite some time - and it didn't help that he started floating up gradually throughout the day..."He woke up, mom!" "No. No, honey. He's just a little more dead..." Chloe strikes out with "Everything's dead. The babies dead! Cow's dead!" That didn't sit at all well with us and we let her know that was understandable, but not acceptable to say. Moving on- we sucked it up, went to the official pet store and bought a beta fish. Apparently- the other fish needed the 'air bubblers' to live. Go figure. "The fish just ran out of oxygen and basically suffocated," the lady announced to our family of pet-co cart pushers. (I love their mini-carts there) That 'bubbler thing' would have been nice to know Wal-man.... So now we have a male beta, named Rainbow who is a 'girl' and fish food and dechlorinator. And I hope this lasts more than 3 days. (The girls laughed hysterically as I flushed Cow down the toilet. The idea was just absurd to them... I didn't have them watch but did 'the deed' while they were munching snacks. "Goodye Cow! Have a good time in heaven!") And thanks to Cow, we are now more educated about keeping fish.

As time goes by....

And time goes by...not always as I thought it should but it does regardless. I have been through a d/c, d/e, and well- a lot of physical and emotional things this last week that have physically and spiritually brought me to my knees. I know I was chosen for this test for an increase in wisdom and knowledge. What exactly that means I will probably look back on this experience and see, given the time to heal. I cannot say that I've been alone on this whirlwind. Yes, it may seem corny to call it so, but seriously - it really has been. One turn after another.... Brian has been whirled into this more than I thought he ever imagine he could be. I think the storm has finally passed, but Brian's remained a strength for me spiritually, emotionally, and physically and for that I am so so so grateful for. I pause at moments to look at him and think, "Wow. I married him, and I couldn't have picked anyone else so perfect for me." Heavenly Father knows who I am. Fact 1.
My family has been so good. Chloe made me cards upon cards with lots of happy and loving hearts (on just one we counted 42!) and Eva has given lots of smiles and snuggles ("I love you. And I still love baby," she'll say as she kisses me goodnight and blows kisses up to heaven.) Ah, to have the simple faith and knowledge of a child. Gabe has been a good snuggler and just like time keeps moving on and I cannot wallow too long or I'll miss something, I just know it! I've received meals from dear friends several times now, and gorgeous flowers from loving family and friends as well. After telling the girls the sad truth a little over a week ago, I was trying to get them to sleep - enticing them by dreaming about their little brother or sister up in heaven. Here's a conversation that touched me.... Families are put together by divine knowledge to give us strength and no real 'oopses' happen. Fact 2.
me : "What are you going to dream about? Maybe your baby brother or sister?"
eva : "Ya!"
me : "What do you think she's wearing (as Eva has determined this loss to have been a girl) up there? What do you think she'll eat?"
eva : "Polka-dot pink jammies, and bubble-gum ice cream! But- not too much or else she'll have cavities."
me: "Oh - that's a cool thing about heaven though- NO CAVITIES! When we get there we'll be able to eat as much as we want of anything!"
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Chloe: Do you know what I'll dream about? I'll dream about my little sister too, and do you know what I'll picture her doing? I'll imagine that Jesus is holding her. Do you remember how much he loves little children?
me: *soooo quietly... "yes. I do."
Chloe: Well I bet he's so happy to see her again, and she's really happy to see Him, too.
me: Yes, Chloe - I'm sure you're right. Good night. I love you.
Families can be together forever. Fact 3.

Remember the Lilies

So today I had some bummer news. The baby is dead.. died, I guess should say. I am going in for d/e tomorrow and will be trying to not freak out (which I should say is not my strong point when I'm told to 'sit' and 'relax'. I'm doing ok and so is the family. We are being taken good care of by the Relief Society and friends. It's the furthest along I've been so far with a miscarriage- just 20 weeks. The baby was at least 17 weeks along, and from the ultrasound today Brian was pretty sure it was a girl. It doesn't really matter I suppose anymore-- and I'm just really bummed I had kinda just gotten psyched up for this kido to come. The Lord is wise in all things. My favorite scripture comes to mind, of which a part reads "remember the lilies how they toil not....etc" Look it up and it will most likely bring comfort to you too! But - that scripture rings a true message. I need not worry or wonder all day why things happen. The Lord will make sure that things are the way they ought to be as long as I am doing all I can. Who knows the big Y, anyways? Good night. Now we've got two beautiful children on the other side, I believe anyways. Brian treated me to a haircut and a pedicure today to try and start this ''fresh start'' I want to do with this. I'm going to lose weight, get finances in order and you know - collect myself and my family for the next little while. Please - no comments need be for this post. I write it more for informational purposes than as a call for pity. If the Lord is my strength, I shall not want.

The Boss, The Break

Yesterday we are having dinner and my three year old looks at Brian and after a minute she comments, "You are the husband," and gesturing to me she continues... "And you are the boss." Leave it to Eva....

This morning asking Chloe to make a peanut butter and jelly for her and her sister, she runs off excitedly "OK MOM!!" Upon finding his daughter climbing ledges and getting out food Brian took over and let her make her baby brother's sandwich. She came in to my room upset and sat down on the bed mentioning something about being mad. After talking with her I think she felt that this was her big break into becoming more 'grown up'. I'll have to give her more opportunities like that when it's not situation-induced. It's a mommie moment to realize she truly does like to help out around the house and these opportunities to feel needed, appreciated and loved are not viewed as horrific chores. hm.

For those in Twilight saga- I've gotten to pg 100 in Twilight today. Very different indeed from the movie... same, but different. It's going to be a long night and I have two novels to choose from: "The Time Traveler's Wife" and "Twilight". Hm. Not really a hesitation on this one. Book club can give a little....

August for us - whew!

Ok - August began slowly - I don't think I've stopped since August 10. We went down to Phoenix in the early morning of the 11th. Eva had an -- I can't even call it really an accident- a purpos-dent of poop in 8am bumper to bumper traffic. Thank heavens for our van with windows that all roll down... poor Chloe who was downwind from that. Thanks for my wonderful husband who took her stinky bum into Target pitched those brand new panties and sniffed out her new skirt to see if it was 'tainted' only to have her completely pee in it as we went across the street AFTER they had just gone potty. Congrats to Chloe who tested into the first grade material and had no hesitations in meeting her new teacher or anyone in the school. She's being challenged, actually having to think now to figure things out. Work.. huh - what a concept! She's doing awesome though, and I'm super happy that she's beginning to love doing home/online school. She's had to kinda skip some of the relaxing activities kindergarten has though- play dough time and stuff. Her teacher is awesome - she's been so incredibly patient with me as I learn how to be the "Learning Coach". We had a side visit to the Phoenix Zoo in the really hot weather. Ya. Hot. Yuck.
Gabe started walking around my birthday. What a wonderful present- on Mother's Day he started crawling. He must be a Mommie's Boy. He's trying to run now and it's almost like a funny dance as he uses his whole body to make each step. He's into hiding his head - or rather dropping it to the floor and playing 'peek-a-boo'. He does this when he feels anyone see's him - shy. Cute little shy boy - beast. He's eating one and a half pbj on top of a 9oz bottle. Tonight he tore up some fish sticks like they were nothing! He had two teeth break through - one on the 23rd and one on the 30th. He's getting some more but I'm not sure where and he's not very open to having me explore his little gums. He loves playing with his sisters and says 'da da da' - and head banging is a new fad with his fav people.
I s'pose I'm about 20weeks. The Dr is trying to get me in for blood work but it feels pointless trying to take all the kids, and then there's dinner - Chloe's school in the am... Always something taking precedence. I think I'll have the boy/girl ultrasound soon. I'm just in no rush for this pregnancy. Maybe it's because I'm not incredibly uncomfortable and have so much other stuff taking up my time right now. I have no preference....just healthy and happy. And on time. :0)
Brian's working with 'work politics' right now- back to a 5 day workweek and soon to be salary- is there any real benefit though? Just more work for a set pay, in my opinion. It's been so long since I've had to think work politics. RS is going- we've got an Enrichment coming up that I'm kinda excited for. We'll see how it goes. B's got some schooling left- feels like forever until it's done, right?
Eva can write her name now, Chloe is adding /carrying digits and learning computer parts when she can buddy up with Daddy.
Gosh - I think that's it. Other than my bday- which I got the Twilight series and a pajamagram for the cozy nights until baby comes. I've also gotten a new cookie sheet, a cheesecake pan, fun socks... I'm really excited about the little things, can't you tell? Seriously - beautiful food and comfortable me... how much better can things get?